Get ready. We are going there.
Let me start by saying I know I will fail at this. I know I will piss people off. I know I will make people angry and probably hurt people’s feelings. I’m human and it’s impossible to please everyone. If you please one person, you make another angry. That’s the nature of people, no two are alike. And well, I’m not sharing this for the approval of people, but in the hopes that it helps someone like myself.
As an ice breaker…. Here is a non-conclusive list of reasons that people have been unhappy with me for what I say, do & post on this site.
- Being on my phone while riding in the passenger seat of a car. Huh?
- My built-ins in my living room. #terribletaste
- Complaining about anything. How dare I.
- For not posting links. GIVE US THE LINKS.
- Eating Jimmy Johns.
- For not having a thigh gap.
- For discussing my lack of thigh gap.
- For laughing at myself.
- For posting expensive items.
- For posting cheap items.
- For having eyebrows that are different heights. Never forget.
- For filming my kids when they fall. Bless their hearts.
- For getting botox. #poison
- For taking pictures that apparently make me look fat.
- For having large thighs.
- For looking for the positives of quarantine.Â
- For having a husband that hunts.
- For eating plant-based.
- For giving my kids melatonin.
- For giving my kids McDonalds.
- Did I mention Jimmy Johns?
If people argue with me for trivial things such as those, I’m highly confident that an issue as serious and as worthy of attention as the state of race-relations in our country will ruffle some feathers. I have a feeling I’m in for it with the feedback. But alas, I will carry on. At the end of the day, the internet is a wild ride, and it is one I signed up for. I’m not posting this blog to earn some stamp of approval or gold star, to check my “look guys I’m anti-racist” box, but rather to explain my heart, and share some things that have been helpful to me over the past few days of praying, listening & learning.
The Purpose of This Blog
Let’s start with the facts. This blog is NOT a political resource, a news outlet, a religious site or a social issues site. The mission of cristincooper.com is to share beauty, everyday style, affordable finds, travel tips and motherhood hacks from a relatable, upbeat and non-assuming mindset. I get it that some people think that is dumb, but here we are. Since I operate digitally and via social, I am constantly going to be in the same space as your news feed and current events. I simply don’t think it is my job as a blogger to tell you who to vote for, how to worship or what to believe, and I do not plan on starting. (People who desperately want to tell other people how they should behave will be really mad at that one). What I do believe that I should do is use this platform to share my experiences as I learn and grow.
My Thoughts
Since I share a lot of my life with you and plan on sharing resources that I am learning from, I also wanted to share how recent events have changed my perspective. Maybe it will help you too! For starters, I don’t think it’s enough to post a black square and share some stories and check your moral box. I would even argue that the more important things that you do during this time are what goes on behind the scenes of your social feed. In your own heart, with your own family and as you continue to walk towards bridging the racial gap. On a personal level, I am a follower of Jesus. This means that I believe that we are ALL created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), that I am called to consider others more significant than myself (Philippians 12:2), to love my neighbors (Mark 12:31), to speak up against injustice (Provers 31:8) & to love one another as Christ has loved us (John 13:34). It is heartbreaking to me that the reality of our world is that we need a movement to help people understand that black lives matter. Any other notion or thought or mentality is just so incredibly evil. It is heartbreaking to me what happened to George Floyd and countless others like him. It is heartbreaking to me that evil cops paint a negative light for the thousands of good men and women who protect and serve with the best of intentions. It is heartbreaking to me that political groups and anarchists want to use this time to divide instead of reconcile. It is heartbreaking to me to watch the violence and destruction of looting and see it overshadow the peaceful moments and progress that is happening. And it is heartbreaking to me to see the pain that so many black people in our country live with.
What I’m Learning
I am fortunate that I was raised with black people in my life. I went to school with black kids, played sports with black kids, and presumably the most influential figure in my life, aside from my parents, was my club soccer coach who was a wonderful black man who I loved like a father. I was messaging him yesterday and just thanking him because that one man shaped so much of my youth. He shaped my relationships with men in general and with future bosses, but also in my relationships with black men. He paved the way, I honestly believe, for me to have great friendships with black guys throughout my life. Even though I have had healthy relationships with black people, I am still fearful to address race, talk about race or ask questions about race. It makes me uncomfortable because I know that I will get it wrong and even though I can be hard core sassy, I am terrified of hurting someone’s feelings. But I have learned that asking questions (even if they are the wrong ones), not being 100% right and the risk of offending someone is much better than silence.
So what does that mean for me? I will continue to lean in, to listen, to learn, to have tough conversations and to grow. I also think that the only thing that truly has the power to change hearts and minds is the Gospel. You can vote for candidates you believe in and donate your money to worthy causes, but if we want real and lasting change, it starts with our hearts. There will be people that think this is a political issue, and that is their prerogative. There will be people that hate me because I think that this is a heart issue and a Gospel issue, and that is ok, too. But as a believer of Jesus, I know that He is the hope of the world and I want to learn from wise men and women of God on what they have to say about race and religion and how I can be a better follower of Jesus and ally to my black brothers and sisters.
How This Affects CristinCooper.com
As far as this blog, I’m going to keep on posting about the things that I normally talk about and that you all come here to read. I think that the best course for me is to live through the tension and continue to do my job, fulfill the purpose of this site and do so while navigating the tensions of the world around us.
Helpful Resources
Yesterday I spent the day ingesting as much content as possible, finding resources to be a better friend to my black friends and a better mom to my daughtes and praying like crazy for our nation, our policemen, the protestors, and yes, even how to word this post. I’m not going to tell you who to donate to, how to act and how this should play out in your life. I think that for this to be a cultural shift then it will take everyone doing the work in their own life, in their own hears and in the own homes. I am, however, going to share with you some things that I have done and some ways in which I am hoping to learn and grow. Here are some resources that I found helpful. I hope they help you, too!
I have been loving leaning in to @priscillashirer, @drtonyevans, @lecrae, @ohhappydani, @kristieanyabwile and @theconsciouskid over the past few days to soak up as much information as possible! I really think that you can’t go wrong spending time on their accounts and this might be one of my favorite clips for a great perspective.
I ordered this book, this book and this book to add to my summer reading list! My goal is one book a month this summer. I also added this book, this book, and this book to add to the girls reading lists.
You can find more books for teaching your children anti-racism here. This is a huge list from a Greenville, SC artist that I got sent via email if you are looking for more resources!
I wish I could put some praise hands emojis here. Good Job. And btw all those criticisims are what we love about you. You keep doing good here. Have a great day!
Totally agree with you sister! I’ve done a lot of searching myself. I am humbling myself, praying, turning to God, seeking His face and praying for healing. (2 Chronicles 7:14) God is good! He and only He can truly heal us. Thanks for sharing your links. Just Mercy is a must read and was a game changer for me. This conversation with Christine Caine and Dr.Anita Phillips was also very good if you want to take a listen. It’s long but worth it.
https://youtu.be/W1P6AXjXnX
Keep up the good work!
You make me laugh. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.
Keep doing what you do.
I normally don’t comment, but I wanted to on this post because like you said, I’m sure you’re going to get some negative feedback. I find your honesty refreshing and relate to it a lot. I’m also a white woman raising two white little girls who loves Jesus and my neighbors and wants to do better by the black community. You were honest without being judgmental or pushy or acting as if you’re an authority. Thank you.
What’s wrong with Jimmy Johns? And really, any of those things. Thanks for sharing your perspective, and keep doin you!
The owner, Shelley. Read up on the owner of Jimmy Johns.
VERY well said. Thank you Cristin for articulating so much of what I have been feeling through all of this. I’m joining you in praying for the hearts of this nation.
I’m not usually a blog reader – I’m going to be honest here, I subscribed to your blog as a giveaway. But I’m so glad I did – I read this entire post and love and agree 100% with your perspective. It’s a heart issue – and I appreciate you sharing your heart with us.
An additional moment of honesty here – not only do I rarely read blogs, I never comment. But I decided to comment so that, hopefully, its one more post that can help to drown out any that choose to post negativity. There’s no space for that here or anywhere for that matter. We need more love – so I hope this helps to fill your comment feed with more of that!
Amen. Well said! Love you and your blog!
I always appreciate the level of variety you post and your willingness to be real. I don’t use IG so I look forward to your insights and would love to hear more about how you are doing on a plant-based diet.
Stay the course and finish strong!!!
I met you at Sea Island during the Southern C and I am so glad I did. I am not a blog reader, but yours I follow for laughs, suggestions, and the everyday escape of mama hood. Thanks for what you do! Keep doing it, because you’re great at it!
My Best,
Frederika
Thank you so much for writing this! I’ve always loved following you, mostly for your relatable content, good sense of humor, and similar taste in clothing/beauty/home decor. We are built similarly, so when I need some clothing inspiration, you’re the first instagrammer I look to! I was so happy to find an influencer with an athletic build like me who was confident about her build. In fact, all of the reasons you listed that people have gotten upset with you are the exact reasons I really love following you! Also, fellow Jimmy John’s lover here (dying today know the story on that one). Anyway, it would be so easy to brush this “tough stuff†aside and not take the time to talk about it, not risk ruffling feathers. Thank you for being bold to speak up publicly and honest about doing the work privately. Like you, I don’t always know the right response in current times, but I believe saying/doing something is infinitely better than nothing at all. Thank you for always being genuine.
I came here looking for your organizing bins and saw this post. Did I miss it in my inbox this week? Thank you for sharing resources, speaking your heart, and sharing the love of Jesus! We, as white people, may not know exactly what to say or what to do, but we know something must be said and something must be done! It starts in our own hearts and our own homes. Speak on, sister! xo
I don’t think that I will ever understand why you and your fellow influencers are criticized for, well, the things you are criticized for. The list in your blog, of your “offenses†is the craziest thing that I have read in a while. I don’t know why I am surprised, but I am. It is so vicious and mean spirited. I will just assume that some of those critics call themselves Christians. I will never understand why people want so badly for others to tell them how to feel, think,and behave. It seems to mean even more to these people if it comes from celebrities, political leaders, or, anyone, with a public platform. That makes me sad for them. It has been proven, I suppose, that what we are fighting for now, cannot be done in a more organic way. When things feel forced, it hardly feels authentic to me but this does need to be forced now- educating ourselves and therefore changing minds and hearts- so that EVERYONE comes to a place of respect and love for each other. We should have forced this long ago so we could have avoided so much unnecessary death at the hands of corrupt and racist cops. They have truly made it so much worse because of the mistrust that gets directed at the ones(cops)that try so hard to keep us safe. I believe that this education begins in the heart, and the home, and, then it would naturally pass on to our children, who, I hope, will carry these teachings forward with dignity and respect for others. That is usually what happens when we operate from a place of love. Thank you for sharing your precious children and you’re wonderful recommendations to all of us with so much warmth and humor💕
Cristin,
Thank you for your fearless compassion, truth and kindness. You are wiser than you think and leverage your influence for the greater good.Your leadership and conviction is inspiring and yet humble. Keep up the amazing work and thank you for making it FUN!
I don’t know how you stand having people give their constant opinions on your entire life. But with that being said, I love your feed and your blog! You do you and continue being the wife and Mom that God is shaping you to be every day.
I love following you because you are so real and authentic on social media. All of those criticisms that are listed are many of the reasons why I love following you. Keep doing you! Have a great day!
Keep doing what you’re doing! You are a breath of fresh air in the Instagram world and you tell it like it is- and that’s why you rock. And I also literally laugh out loud at least once a day bc if you and your beautiful family. Thank you!! And Keep up the hard work!
Thank you for being you and always being real
Yes to all of this! Thank you. â¤ï¸ We all need more JESUS! He is and always will
Be the only answer. He is our way, our truth and our life! He is God! Love your blog, your built ins and Jimmy Johns forever! 😉
I enjoy seeing your life, children and listening to everything you have to say. I’m proud to be one of your followers. Keep doin you, honey! Thank you for being real 100% of the time.
You have so eloquently put into words what has been on my heart and on my mind and I truly appreciate all the prayers you must have prayed before writing this post. We all have to do our part…whatever that is to make this world a better place…to restore it to what God created for all people created in His image.
Say it louder for the people in the back! Love it.
I agree with your ideas for your blog and your plans for personal growth. I think we should listen to the personal criticism and learn or dismiss it if it is contrary to your personal belief. I was criticized for asking for children’s books about racism. The critic said I should not read books but be an example. It was said a bit more crudely. I WILL read books AND I’ll try to be an example.
If blogging were a thing when I was your age, my blog would have aspired to be all that your blog is. I love everything about you and the way you share life so well. You have expressed yourself honestly and I appreciate you as always. Keep up the great work. ♥ï¸
Well said – and I agree completely! Keep doing you, lady.
Love your “not too serious” take on life…sorry there are a-holes that give you that feedback and think that those things somehow are helpful?? (insert eye roll) You are genuine- even down to your blog about hard stuff- it came from the heart and that’s all any of us can do at the moment. Love that you are staying true to yourself. It inspires the rest of us to continue learning but to keep “doing you.”
You make me proud!!! That was perfectly balanced and well said honey! Stay your course! You were made for times such as these! Tim Cristin! ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
TEAM CRISTIN… Sorry, AutoCorrect got me on the previous one!
Love this and love how real you are!! Thank you for your honesty and humor as well as being a Christian blogger whom I absolutely adore following!
I think you’re selling yourself short here! Reading books behind the scenes is one thing, but it’s a point of privilege to just let things go back to normal and post the usual things. You have the opportunity to change the way you and your readers spend their money! There are so many great minority-owned businesses out there – try them/share them/promote them! You’re also in a position to help hold brands accountable regarding advertising, sponsorships, etc. – is it a diverse campaign? Are Black women getting similar opportunities? Clearly you are already familiar with petty criticism, but this is one area to really go for it and push for change – otherwise, we are no further along than we were before.
I don’t usually comment as I am probably old enough to be your grandmother ( no, probably your mother) but I do like your blog and do get useful information from it all the time. I sometimes buy things you have recommended, I really like those skinny lady razors for your face you recommended, they are a great product.
What, I guess, I wanted to say is, be your lovely self, and keep on smiling. I am sure having a blog takes alot of your time and you are doing a great job putting it all out there.
This post was so well written! I do believe your prayers were answered when you asked for help with this one! I commend you for posting about this at all, as it would have been easy just to keep moving forward. I have struggled with my feelings on the events over the past few weeks, and somehow you have put into words what I think a lot of us are feeling. THANK YOU. I felt compelled/pressured to post a black square on my IG last Tuesday as I certainly didn’t want to be labeled a “racist” or project that my “silence was violence,” but there were reasons I didn’t want to do it, too. As soon as I did, I asked myself self ‘Who am I posting this for? How is this helping the problem…?’. I then started searching for resources that might help me better educate myself and my 7 & 9-year-old kiddos (white people) on the topic of race and how to be better. The issues we face in this country are many. However, violence and hate never solved a problem that I know of, so there’s that. Awareness starts in our homes, with our friends and family. We are all God’s children, and God is good. Excellent post, Cristin!
Thank you for this! Thank you for using your platform and for not being scared of the negative comments…that are inevitable. You have handled this with grace and educated yourself. Again, thank you for sharing your resources. I may be even more obsessed with you than I was before!
I wish more people had the common sense you do. I really enjoy you social media platform and thank you for it. There need to be more such as this. I normally don’t leave comments but as I myself am also a Christian and follower of Jesus it is a heart issue. As we say at my church, Better Life Church, in Morehead,Ky it is our mission to show people Jesus. John 10:10. You my dear, are showing people Jesus!
Way to take the bull by the horns. Eloquently put. Love your perspective.
Most people are doing the best they can. It is hard for me to understand why people want to hurt others, physically, emotionally, or verbally. God has really convicted me about not being critical or judgmental even in my thinking. I am sorry everyone has not learned if they do not want to read something they just do not have to. Your posts make me smile and it is good I am not wealthy or I surely might use way too many links. Thanks for opening up and being strong enough to not let criticisms stop you.
I am learning too!
Yes, ma’am!! Love your blog and your honesty. Also #teamnothighgap
Get it!!!! 100 years from now this thought will matter… well done.
Yes yes and more yes! Thank you being you!
All the reasons you listed are all the reasons you’re so amazing! A little bit of honesty among a sea of pretenders. Thank you!